Madelina birth and baby
  • home
  • doula services
    • doula faq's
  • infant massage
    • acupressure
  • placenta services
    • placenta faq's
  • about
    • testimonials
  • contact
  • resources
    • lending library
  • blog
  • home
  • doula services
    • doula faq's
  • infant massage
    • acupressure
  • placenta services
    • placenta faq's
  • about
    • testimonials
  • contact
  • resources
    • lending library
  • blog

Embracing Matrescence

11/20/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
 By Jocelyn Wells  - Postpartum Doula     

A few weeks ago I came across this amazing    TED Talk    by Dr. Alexandra Sacks on a new way of thinking about the transition to motherhood. She calls it Matrescence. 

This six minute talk put words to something I (and likely millions of other women) have been thinking and feeling for years!

Dr. Sacks explains that as a society we understand and allow for the awkwardness and developmental arc of adolescence. We recognize that it is a period fraught with transition and growth. We understand that it makes you think and do and feel weird things. Adolescence is a time where changing bodies and changing hormones change the way we fit into the world. Hello – does this not also sound like the experience of becoming mothers?

Dr. Sacks agrees. But, she says, we do not allow for that same transition time for pregnant and postpartum women. We’re expected to know it all (and love it all) right out of the gate.

I remember so intimately that feeling of going from an independent and autonomous person to an exhausted, aching, and frustrated thing called ‘mom’.

Overnight.

All of a sudden I had this tiny human who’s life was literally in my hands. They were 100% reliant on me. That was daunting to me.

But don’t you love it? They would say.

Yes, of course! I would say out loud. But not all the time. I would say in my head. I didn’t think I was allowed to not love it all the time – I had tons of friends with babies and no one else seemed to ‘not love it all the time’.

Motherhood changed the way I relate to people and it also changed the way people relate to me – during maternity leave when I wasn’t working outside my home I often had this worry that I had nothing to contribute to conversations. I didn’t have the typical work gripes that you share with your friends and people looked at me strangely when I complained about my baby the way you would complain about your boss. But hey, sometimes my baby was overworking and over stressing me!

It’s the push and the pull of motherhood, as Sacks describes. The pull is that oxytocin induced feeling that the baby and their needs is the center of your universe. The push is your brain reminding you of all the other things in your life and the other needs that   you  have.

I remember distinctly grieving the parts of myself I thought I had lost. Oh how I miss a lazy long mimosa filled brunch (for the record I still miss this). Remember when I used my brain for solving complex workplace issues, instead of just for figuring out how many sleepers I need to buy?

I also remember thinking that I must the only one who felt this way and I’m probably a bad mother for even thinking this way.

**Newsflash**

I wasn’t. And I’m not.

This is common. It’s normal. Most parents struggle with the push and pull of parenthood.

So why aren’t we talking about it?

Sacks argues we need to normalize these experiences of motherhood – negotiating different identities of who we were vs. who we are becoming. We need to talk about this with other moms. I want to hear about the days when you don’t love it. I want to hear about your ambivalence to this motherhood identity.

Tell me about your matrescence.

0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    ​Madelina Birth and Baby Blog

    Hello. ​My name is Tina Madelina and welcome to my birth and baby site! I'm a Certified Labour and Birth Doula,  ​Infant Massage  Instructor and Placenta Specialist. 
    ​
    My goal is to enhance the physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual health of mothers (including teens), babies, and families through education and loving support during pregnancy, childbirth,  ​and early parenthood.

    I will support you in having the best possible birth journey whether you birth at a hospital or at home.   ​I also assist birth partners with labour and childbirth support preparation.

    I serve clients in Cambridge, Kitchener, Waterloo, Wellington, Dundas, Hamilton, Wentworth, Stoney Creek, Burlington, Woodstock, Brantford, Paris, Waterdown, Carlisle and surrounding areas   in Ontario, Canada.

    Categories

    All
    Babywearing
    Postpartum

    Archives

    March 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    April 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    June 2018
    December 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017

    RSS Feed

Madelina Birth and Baby​
​​Professional - Progressive - Passionate  (@tm)
​​
Serving Cambridge, Kitchener, Waterloo-Wellington, Dundas, Stoney Creek, Hamilton-Wentworth, Woodstock, ​
Ancaster, Wentworth County, Brantford, Brant County, Paris, Waterdown, Carlisle and surrounding areas in Ontario Canada


​Tina Madelina CD: cell phone  (519) 240 0298     email  madelinabirthandbaby@gmail.com     or fill out a  Contact Form

​Disclaimer:   I am not a licensed medical professional and I am not able to diagnose, treat or prescribe for any health condition. 

Madelina Birth and Baby is the owner of this website and it's contents. You may not copy, duplicate or utilize any photographs, intellectual property or content within this website without
my written consent . 
  ​* some content is shared from other sources with permission. All Rights Reserved. -  Madelina Birth and Baby @copyright TM - est 2013